After a few weeks of the weather not able to decide exactly what season it wanted to be, it looks like the last days of high temperatures may finally be behind us. In fact, a little bit ago, we actually had a hail storm. Our high today is only 55. We've even already had a freeze warning. I love fall.
Fall in Pittsburgh is a bit different than Gettysburg, however. They don't really have many 'reds' in their spectrum. Lots of yellows and oranges, but it is still pretty. I smile brightly every morning I walk into the computer room and look out the window to see this one golden tree, the sun shining on it lighting it up so wonderfully. How can you frown when you spot something like that? You just can't. It'll be sad when the leaves are all gone and I'm left with the dreary world of winter. I love winter, but not so much in the city. Last Sunday Dave and I went for a long exploration drive to look at the scenery. It still was too early I guess, as a lot of trees hadn't turned, but it was a nice time. And we were still able to have the windows down! I'm thinking that a lot of the trees here are just going to lose their leaves instead of turning, with all this rain and wind, it's already happening that way. Oh well.
Tomorrow he said he is taking me to some place called Trax Farms. I'm looking forward to picking out pumpkins! Maybe they'll have some acorn squash and butternut squash too. Mmm, I'd love to make some butternut squash raviolis!
My youngest sister is still pregnant. Her doctor got us all excited the first week of October when he said she was already 2cm dilated, but then she didn't change much. We went from placing bets on the due date (the original one is not til the 27th of this month), and when the little guy didn't come, we moved them again. My second one was the 12th, but alas, he did not arrive then, either. SOON! I do believe soon, as today she was at the grocery store and said she felt like she was carrying a bowling ball between her legs, he's obviously dropped! Mom is lucky, she gets to have Monte starting Sunday evening. I asked if she needed help watching him, but she said my other sister was coming up to help out later in the week. I know Dave would have missed me, and I him, but it'd have been nice to spend some time with my cute nephew.
Okay, enough kid talk, I'm getting down.
So. In other news, since I'm already headed down the path of... down-ness, April, my husband's sister, invited us out for dinner earlier this month only to tell us that she and her wife had made a decision to move. To Chicago. I didn't cry at dinner, but I did in the car on the way home. I really like them, and they are someone that I actually get to go and do things with like once a month. I'm really going to miss them both. They are great people, so nice and so fun to be around. I liked that he had his family here, and that I got along with them, and we all did things together. She told me that she would still talk to me, email me, etc, but I know reality. I've moved around enough myself to know what happens. It's not intentional, but it happens regardless. I'm still sad about it, actually. They are leaving November 1st for their new lives. I wish them the best, but I wish they'd be staying here, instead.
I've been thinking up plans for Christmas since we're all basically broke or in debt. I think I'm going to just bake for people. I went in with my mom on some chocolate that I will pick up when I go there for Thanksgiving. It's really great chocolate that is not that expensive and melts VERY well. You don't have to temper it that much either, not like some of the more expensive brands. I've been trying to round up my recipes as to what I want to make.
The land of cell phones is also done for me. My dad jokingly said that he's not heard of someone going to land line over cell. But, my cell phone was too expensive, not enough minutes, and I was constantly having to monitor my phone time for fear of going over. They are out to get us. I mean, how many of us really, REALLY NEED a cell phone? Do you leave the house that much? There were centuries where we didn't need a cell phone, and since I'm a wife at home, why did I need it? Sure, texting was nice, but even that had declined for me since getting remarried. Times are rough in many places, including our home, so we are doing what we can to snip costs.
But that is all I have for now I think, kind of random all over the place post. Enjoy fall! It'll soon be winter!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Ever Get that "GRRRR!!" Feeling?
So, I was doing my rounds... where I check email, facebook, news sites, etc, and I noticed another article about bullying.
I was bullied in school. I was the fat kid. I heard it all. While somewhat popular at the same time, I knew, always, what was said behind my back... why I wasn't invited here and there. They wanted to be my friend on one hand, yet would pick on me on the other. Mostly the bullying came from those kids who were not in my same grade level. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep. I spent days dreading school because I knew I had to get on the bus and deal with that bullshit again. Assigned seats were my nightmare on the schoolbus because I was placed right in front of two seniors. They were the BIGGEST jerks. This was when the high school and elementary school all rode the same bus. I was in 3rd grade when it was really bad. They'd hit me on the back of my head, poke me, zip open my backpack, stick stuff in my hair, and pick on me relentlessly. 12th graders picking on a 3rd grader...
And no one was there to stop it.
You know it is often said that kids need to defend themselves, or be tough, or just suck it up and deal with it. But you know what? What was I supposed to do as a 3rd grade little girl to two 12th grade boys? When I cried, they make fun of me for doing that. They'd dare me to tell on them, because they KNEW nothing, NOTHING would be done about it! Nothing... nothing is ever done about it.
Until it is too late.
It's the beginning of the school year and I've already read about 6 articles concerning 'severe' bullying. One even was about a young man who hung himself in his barn rather than deal with people picking on him because he was different, in this case because he was supposedly gay. After he killed himself people came out about how much he was picked on and bullied, shoved up against lockers and the like, even teachers said this! So WHERE WERE THEY BEFORE HE KILLED HIMSELF!?
Every day, millions of kids go to school. Whether we like it or not, cliques still exist. Those crappy groups are still there, the popular kids, the jocks, the nerds, the goths, the drama geeks, the cheerleaders.. they are all there still. And if your kid is one of the lucky ones to be in the VERY select few who are in those popular groups, then you can count yourself glad, because most of our society is not. We're average. We've got things that make us nerdy, or stupid, or ugly, each and every one of us can fall into some category of 'failure' if you think about it.
When you are being bullied, you feel alone.
What are you to do? Your parents tell you to tough it out, that you're a good kid, study hard, and you'll soon be done with their pettiness. After a while, you just stop going to your parents all together. I mean, it does nothing to complain to them if they constantly tell you to just turn the other cheek, or ignore them.
Go to a teacher, the teacher tells you that it's not that big of a deal, kids will be kids, you know how things are. They are just insecure about themselves, bullies hurt others because inside they are hurting, realize you're the bigger person, blah blah blah. Teachers have no power anymore in their classrooms. Spanking is out, detention is an utter joke, there are NO consequences for misbehaving in our schools.
Go to a higher person? School authorities are busy with the business side of school, and whether you agree or not, it's the truth. Even our public schools are a business, after more money, and this or that. I did tell our Assistant Principal once about something really bad, when a friend of mine was being harassed so terribly I was worried for him and his safety, and he just kind of laughed and shrugged me off, and showed me the door. What did I expect from the former football coach?
There's no one. SO we as a society are shocked when kids take things into their own hands, like Columbine, when metal detectors become standard because we're afraid someone will take a weapon to school. We're shocked to hear a kids killing themselves rather than face ANOTHER day of the torture from their peers. We're shocked when a parent is fed up enough to the point they jump on the school bus after their daughter tells them that open condoms were put in her hair and she was smacked on the head by a few kids on her school bus and he was arrested... not because he was arrested, but because he did that in the first place.
And what are we told? "You should have come to me first" from various people... the school authorities, the teachers, the police in this case...
So what could be done? As a society we have made people practically untouchable. Children are perfect angels, they do no wrong. There's no accountability. Parents are too easy on their kids in many ways, so what's going to be done? The mother of the one boy the father confronted is getting her fame, saying how she was brought to tears for her son, and worried over his safety... what about what a (censors self) her kid was for putting CONDOMS in a girls hair!!?
And what about the bus driver? I thought videos on the bus were implemented to help curve some of this abuse?
And that's just what it is.
Abuse.
We cry foul for pets being abused. PETA steps in if a monkey is used in a damn commercial... yet we have kids killing themselves over being bullied. Kids CAN NOT defend themselves against these kids... because bullies are hardly ever alone.
So when your child comes to you, listen.
My husband asked why the kid just didn't fight back... why? Then they'd be punished even further, probably slapped with a misdemeanor, detention, suspension, a whole slew of things. There have even been cases where other families sued when a kid finally had enough and fought back. There are so many things wrong with our society today, even though I'm still glad to be American.
But come on people!
GRRRRR!
I was bullied in school. I was the fat kid. I heard it all. While somewhat popular at the same time, I knew, always, what was said behind my back... why I wasn't invited here and there. They wanted to be my friend on one hand, yet would pick on me on the other. Mostly the bullying came from those kids who were not in my same grade level. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep. I spent days dreading school because I knew I had to get on the bus and deal with that bullshit again. Assigned seats were my nightmare on the schoolbus because I was placed right in front of two seniors. They were the BIGGEST jerks. This was when the high school and elementary school all rode the same bus. I was in 3rd grade when it was really bad. They'd hit me on the back of my head, poke me, zip open my backpack, stick stuff in my hair, and pick on me relentlessly. 12th graders picking on a 3rd grader...
And no one was there to stop it.
You know it is often said that kids need to defend themselves, or be tough, or just suck it up and deal with it. But you know what? What was I supposed to do as a 3rd grade little girl to two 12th grade boys? When I cried, they make fun of me for doing that. They'd dare me to tell on them, because they KNEW nothing, NOTHING would be done about it! Nothing... nothing is ever done about it.
Until it is too late.
It's the beginning of the school year and I've already read about 6 articles concerning 'severe' bullying. One even was about a young man who hung himself in his barn rather than deal with people picking on him because he was different, in this case because he was supposedly gay. After he killed himself people came out about how much he was picked on and bullied, shoved up against lockers and the like, even teachers said this! So WHERE WERE THEY BEFORE HE KILLED HIMSELF!?
Every day, millions of kids go to school. Whether we like it or not, cliques still exist. Those crappy groups are still there, the popular kids, the jocks, the nerds, the goths, the drama geeks, the cheerleaders.. they are all there still. And if your kid is one of the lucky ones to be in the VERY select few who are in those popular groups, then you can count yourself glad, because most of our society is not. We're average. We've got things that make us nerdy, or stupid, or ugly, each and every one of us can fall into some category of 'failure' if you think about it.
When you are being bullied, you feel alone.
What are you to do? Your parents tell you to tough it out, that you're a good kid, study hard, and you'll soon be done with their pettiness. After a while, you just stop going to your parents all together. I mean, it does nothing to complain to them if they constantly tell you to just turn the other cheek, or ignore them.
Go to a teacher, the teacher tells you that it's not that big of a deal, kids will be kids, you know how things are. They are just insecure about themselves, bullies hurt others because inside they are hurting, realize you're the bigger person, blah blah blah. Teachers have no power anymore in their classrooms. Spanking is out, detention is an utter joke, there are NO consequences for misbehaving in our schools.
Go to a higher person? School authorities are busy with the business side of school, and whether you agree or not, it's the truth. Even our public schools are a business, after more money, and this or that. I did tell our Assistant Principal once about something really bad, when a friend of mine was being harassed so terribly I was worried for him and his safety, and he just kind of laughed and shrugged me off, and showed me the door. What did I expect from the former football coach?
There's no one. SO we as a society are shocked when kids take things into their own hands, like Columbine, when metal detectors become standard because we're afraid someone will take a weapon to school. We're shocked to hear a kids killing themselves rather than face ANOTHER day of the torture from their peers. We're shocked when a parent is fed up enough to the point they jump on the school bus after their daughter tells them that open condoms were put in her hair and she was smacked on the head by a few kids on her school bus and he was arrested... not because he was arrested, but because he did that in the first place.
And what are we told? "You should have come to me first" from various people... the school authorities, the teachers, the police in this case...
So what could be done? As a society we have made people practically untouchable. Children are perfect angels, they do no wrong. There's no accountability. Parents are too easy on their kids in many ways, so what's going to be done? The mother of the one boy the father confronted is getting her fame, saying how she was brought to tears for her son, and worried over his safety... what about what a (censors self) her kid was for putting CONDOMS in a girls hair!!?
And what about the bus driver? I thought videos on the bus were implemented to help curve some of this abuse?
And that's just what it is.
Abuse.
We cry foul for pets being abused. PETA steps in if a monkey is used in a damn commercial... yet we have kids killing themselves over being bullied. Kids CAN NOT defend themselves against these kids... because bullies are hardly ever alone.
So when your child comes to you, listen.
My husband asked why the kid just didn't fight back... why? Then they'd be punished even further, probably slapped with a misdemeanor, detention, suspension, a whole slew of things. There have even been cases where other families sued when a kid finally had enough and fought back. There are so many things wrong with our society today, even though I'm still glad to be American.
But come on people!
GRRRRR!
In Search Of
I never thought it'd be so difficult to find a psychiatrist in a much bigger city than where I had moved from. I've really never had that problem before. But now I've been in Pittsburgh for going on 6 months, and I have yet to find a psychiatrist to treat me. I'm still calling and begging my old one for prescription refills. It's annoying, quite honestly.
I think the real problem is, I do not have insurance. Half of them won't take me without insurance, I guess it's because they lose out on too much money that they can overcharge the insurance company for, and then there are the people who have a 3 to 6 month waiting list, the people who charge $350 a visit, and the people who say they'll get back to me, and never do. I'm frustrated, very frustrated to be honest. I'm also scared. My meds aren't something I can just stop taking without consequences. I keep hoping that something will come through for me, but I'm not one for faith much lately, sadly.
I unpacked the four tubs of things Dave and I brought back from Gettysburg yesterday. I was hoping there were different things in them than there actually were, but it's a beginning, and that has to happen to get to the end! I know I threw away a LOT of things last year, just got fed up with all the anger and hostility from others and the emotions it was bringing up in me, so I just ... threw things away. Good things... things that comprised my life. I don't really remember what all was kept, to be honest. I wanted it over with, and I was tired of taking up my friends time, so we were just packing things in tubs. I got a few baking things, my tupperware canisters, and...
My wedding photo album.
I sat Dave down last night and showed him it. He really had no desire to look at the pictures, but I made him eventually. I'm not sure, still, what to do with it. It was a big part of my life, I mean, I was married for ten years to that man. I put in a lot of work in a very short time with the help of my mom to pull that wedding off, and didn't even get to enjoy it because Justin wanted to leave 30 minutes after being at our reception. Pictures are pretty much all I have heh. But... I also don't want him anymore. What do people do with things like that? I did throw away all our cards, and things like that that I had kept, but this is one of the few things remaining... what do I do with it?
It did make me kind of sad to look through my pictures of those who attended the reception and be able to point out those who have passed away. There were quite a few, and sadly, most were not... actually, almost all were not older people. Cancer hit several, an accident another, untimely demises. But I have pictures of them when they were happy... I should keep those, right? I just don't know what to do, suggestions?
I have to wash all my tupperware and things, already ran several through the dishwasher, only about 5 more loads to do haha. Then I can start using them again, hopefully make my kitchen a bit more functional, because right now it is just a disaster area!
In search of so many things, to be honest. I want to make money with my art, help my husband out some... clean up the house and get it organized so we can actually utilize things we have. I'm in search of me. I have been for years. Maybe I will find myself soon. That'd be nice.
I think the real problem is, I do not have insurance. Half of them won't take me without insurance, I guess it's because they lose out on too much money that they can overcharge the insurance company for, and then there are the people who have a 3 to 6 month waiting list, the people who charge $350 a visit, and the people who say they'll get back to me, and never do. I'm frustrated, very frustrated to be honest. I'm also scared. My meds aren't something I can just stop taking without consequences. I keep hoping that something will come through for me, but I'm not one for faith much lately, sadly.
I unpacked the four tubs of things Dave and I brought back from Gettysburg yesterday. I was hoping there were different things in them than there actually were, but it's a beginning, and that has to happen to get to the end! I know I threw away a LOT of things last year, just got fed up with all the anger and hostility from others and the emotions it was bringing up in me, so I just ... threw things away. Good things... things that comprised my life. I don't really remember what all was kept, to be honest. I wanted it over with, and I was tired of taking up my friends time, so we were just packing things in tubs. I got a few baking things, my tupperware canisters, and...
My wedding photo album.
I sat Dave down last night and showed him it. He really had no desire to look at the pictures, but I made him eventually. I'm not sure, still, what to do with it. It was a big part of my life, I mean, I was married for ten years to that man. I put in a lot of work in a very short time with the help of my mom to pull that wedding off, and didn't even get to enjoy it because Justin wanted to leave 30 minutes after being at our reception. Pictures are pretty much all I have heh. But... I also don't want him anymore. What do people do with things like that? I did throw away all our cards, and things like that that I had kept, but this is one of the few things remaining... what do I do with it?
It did make me kind of sad to look through my pictures of those who attended the reception and be able to point out those who have passed away. There were quite a few, and sadly, most were not... actually, almost all were not older people. Cancer hit several, an accident another, untimely demises. But I have pictures of them when they were happy... I should keep those, right? I just don't know what to do, suggestions?
I have to wash all my tupperware and things, already ran several through the dishwasher, only about 5 more loads to do haha. Then I can start using them again, hopefully make my kitchen a bit more functional, because right now it is just a disaster area!
In search of so many things, to be honest. I want to make money with my art, help my husband out some... clean up the house and get it organized so we can actually utilize things we have. I'm in search of me. I have been for years. Maybe I will find myself soon. That'd be nice.
Labels:
divorce,
family,
friends,
meds,
psychiatrist
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)